end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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