I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
