we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
