guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
