I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
