i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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