well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
