I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
