All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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