My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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