and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
