both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
