he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't deserve a penis
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
