Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
