I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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