I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
