brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
