I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
