He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
