Having a random hookup so left but love u
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
