woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
