I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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