there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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