we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
