He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
