I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
