I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Houston, we have a squirter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Watching her eat just hurts me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
