): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
