I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
