Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
