LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
