You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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