She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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