Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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