Someone shit on the floor
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
