I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
