I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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