Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
