Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
