just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
