At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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