I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
