I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
