Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
