Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
