Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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