Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's just like the Real World with babies
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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