I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
