I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
im on a boat
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