Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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