i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
