You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
