As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
