Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it because I queefed?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
