Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
